Finding Peace in Acceptance

“May I have the courage to change what is within my control, The strength to let go of what is beyond my control, And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other” - Author Unknown

I have always loved solving problems. Give me a logic puzzle or a challenge and my brain loves to dive deep into solution mode. Whether it’s a mystery or an escape room, I thrive on finding the answer. But what if sometimes there is no answer to be found? What if the mystery is simply a representation of the unknown to prompt a leap of faith?

I’m constantly searching for the root cause, asking over and over “Why?” as if there is some hidden knowledge I am obsessed with uncovering. I feel there is a place for these questions and some problems are meant to be solved. However, I am also wondering “How do I know when it’s time to simply accept what is?” I’m finding the answer lies in the quote above.

There are things we can control and things we can’t. Those things outside our control, like the way others behave, or the rules of society, or what others believe, can only impact us if we so choose. It is not just about having strength to let go of what we can’t control but also the will to accept what is. What I’ve come to realize is that my desire to solve problems is really an effort to control what is, rather than just accept it. I’m forever trying to change the unchangeable in an effort to reconcile the discomfort I feel when faced with something outside my control. I rush to analyze the behaviour, to understand the underlying motivation because I think somehow I’m responsible for fixing a problem. What I’m coming to understand is that not only is there no problem, but I’m not here to fix anything or anyone.

How someone else behaves is a product of their own choice and their own path. I can speak my truth where that behaviour impacts a relationship that is important to me, but my work is not to change it, that’s their work - if they choose it. My job is to accept the present reality and choose my own response.

This is a challenge because my brain is wired for the thrill of the solution. Completing a puzzle is fun. Escaping a room after finding clues and solving riddles is extremely satisfying. I’m curious where this drive has created a perspective for me to view everything I encounter as a problem to solve. Perhaps it’s my need to feel useful and capable. Perhaps it’s a drive to constantly improve. Whatever the answer, I’m beginning to learn that maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe this is a mystery that presents me with the opportunity to just accept that I love puzzles and realize not everything in life is a puzzle.

Learning to accept what is, is learning to trust my path and focus on my next best choice that is for my highest good. To allow others to be who they are and appreciate they are on a path and deserve to be seen as is, rather than who I might want them to be. Wisdom is not just the lessons I’ve learned but also the ability to step back and say “Hmmm, that was interesting “ and let it go so I can stay focused on the energy I choose to send out into the world. The energy of love and curiosity rather than judgement. To choose not to analyze it, but just to accept that it belongs to someone else and I don’t need to take on the burden of trying to change it.

Some people don’t want to change or become self-aware and that’s their choice. My choice is whether or not I remain in relationship with them or perhaps just how close I choose to be. Either way, it’s not about using emotional blackmail to force someone to change. It’s about sharing my perspective on the importance of the relationship and allowing the other person to choose what they are able to in that moment. If their behaviour and beliefs don’t align with my values, it’s up to me to choose what’s best for me, and them to choose what’s best for them.

I also feel there is some grace required for effort. Change isn’t easy, especially where years of programming have dictated one’s life. Where someone shows effort, I feel that effort must be acknowledged with the understanding that no one is perfect and it takes time. I am finding it’s also constantly reminding myself I’m changing as well. In my effort to accept, I will still judge others and try to understand someone’s underlying motivation. However, it is with an awareness that allows me to catch myself in the moment of judgement and choose to release it, and with the intent to show compassion rather than trying to fix anything. We are all unique individuals and the concept of unity is not about sameness, but about truly accepting the diversity of that uniqueness. I'm still on the journey, but I am finding peace along the way.